Arts & crafts

Tonight, my co-worker tried to make an airplane out of styrofoam!

Two words: EPIC FAIL

Update:
It looked like a duck with it's head on backwards.

Nashville Lady & The best drunken Newfie of 2008

I'm sorry I haven't laid on a good dysfunctional persons story since last May. Many exciting things have happened, and you will hear about them soon, even now.
Because of all of your love, I've decided to include an extra "pre-The best drunken Newfie of 2008" post here & now!
AND very soon I'll be posting the "Angry homeless black man who wanted to kick my ass in to next week cause I wouldn't turn his nickels, pennies, & dimes in to a $10 bill" story! It's a sure classic.

Halloween 2008 - We have a new staff member working this evening; we'll call him Rizzo.
A fairly regular lady enters the store with her half-way-house boyfriend. The lady is, quite clearly in one glance, a heavy duty country music fan. She's wearing the full Nashville garb, including hat & boots, and has the distinct smell of urine, almost visible it's so bad.
Rizzo seems amused by her Halloween outfit, unsurprising since there have been a few costumes in the store in the past couple of hours.
I didn't immediately notice the lady as I was too busy watching a drunken Newfie passing out outside, but once the smell of urine hit me I knew it was time to inform Rizzo of this country music abomination.
"Rizzo, I have something to tell you about that Nashville cowgirl costume" and Rizzo replies "lay it on me bro".
"That is not a costume" and in disbelief Rizzo says "you're full of shit" and I say "no, smell that? Yeah mofo, that's the smell of cowgirl piss... the real deal... just like in the U.S. of A... real piss!"
And the lady approaches the counter to purchase some bargain bin Reba McEntyre and Clay Walker CD's.
The reality of this hits Rizzo like a bag of frozen Garth Brooks shit, but he handled it like a true professional.
Rizzo gets a raise.

So you're probably wondering about the drunken Newfie.
So here it is. There was about 15 normal customers in the store, and I was talking to one when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a person entering the store with great difficulty.
He managed to get inside, but immediately leaned against the door frame, blocking all from entering or exiting the store. A total fire hazard.
I excused myself from my customer, who quickly acknowledged, and I approached the man leaning on the door.
"Caaan... I help you?" I asked, probably with a notable expression on my face. Then the smell of, perhaps schnapps, hit me... very strong too.
Imagine the horror of the smell of schnapps + cowgirl piss... you couldn't pay me enough.
"IIIII...mmm leeikkkin faar shhum moshhac" he yelled at me.
"I can't understand a word you're saying"
"Jeerst cis Ive gat E fukin noofyy... fuck you" WOW! And he continued "yeeeuo wan biddnisshh"
"Well, maybe you should leave now" I suggested, and all the customers looked amused.
"IIIII...mmm leeikkkin faar shhum moshhac" he yelled again.
Then a girl exited the store surprisingly successfully, slipping behind the drunk Newfie without him even noticing.
"Yeah, you should probably go back to Newfoundland now, sir"
"gaarb... fuckiiiinnnn guuuyyy... fuck you!"
And then he stumbled back outside, about 6 feet to a garbage out front the mobile phone store, and passed out for about a half hour.
A while later I decided to check on him.
Gone?
So I walked down the way a bit... to the dollar store, and there he was, talking to the dollar store manager... lots of yelling going on, so I watched for a minute until he finally came stumbling out, gripping the wall to stay standing.
I figured the police would come by at any moment, but not so much. He entered the very next door he could find... the pizza shop. Well. maybe they could sober him up with some water and a slice of pizza. Or, maybe he got thrown in the drunk tank. I'll never know.
Thanks Newfoundland... your drunks are the bestest!