note to customers

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL CUSTOMERS

Please do NOT attempt to sing along to The Beach Boys christmas music.
Doing this disturbs other customers & their screaming children, and often makes them forget to take their grandparents back to the home.
If you are an ex member of The Beach Boys, you are exempt from this rule with proper photo I.D.

Thank you

Dumb & Dumberer

There is, at this very moment, a 40-something man, who is a living example of the following:
It is not a good idea to drop out of school in 2nd grade and get a job in a factory for the rest of your life.
Let us observe this man for a bit...
he seems a tad quiet... wait... ohh man, he thinks "No Surprises" by Radiohead sounds like Jim Morrison. Well I never!
Now he's buying some shit... looks like music DVDs... oh yes... The Supremes, Smokey Robinson, etc etc etc.
He has finally left, and the store is calm once again.
Okay and now here comes Annoying Man & his son, Annoying Boy... (Annoying man had relations with a woman???)... and his son fielded my co-worker with a question after looking at the computer with which customers can look up our inventory, like at a library:
Annoying boy - "Can I play WOW on your computer?"
Co-worker says "What is wow?"
Annoying boy - "World Of Warcraft"
Co-worker - "NO"
Annoying boy - "oh"
end

Super-fun Saturday - pre x-mas edition

Well, I must say that this time of year can get just hairy enough to cause a blog-lag.
My apologies.
...continuing;
I think that it's very mean & cruel to accuse an entire family, especially during the holiday season, of retardation.
Today I made an exception;
Stupidest family EVER!
Father: phones ahead of time, requests everything you've ever heard on the radio in a loud/annoying voice. (I had been warned of their arrival by the end of this call)
Mother: wanders around store with loud/annoying voice bitching about how she can't watch a movie in the presence of her son, due to being stupidly loud/annoying.
Son: Wanders around store acting like an ultra-annoying combination of mother & father while acting like a five year old. (age 15 maybe)
I will point out that this particular family, while still an excellent case-study, did NOT appear to be addicted to any crack or crystal meth, were overall very friendly, and are probably surprisingly functional, whatever that means. The thing is that you just wouldn't want to, you know, visit their house, for sanity's sake.
Also, the parents appear to have originated from Newfoundland... let the newfie jokes begin!

The phone rings and I answer it;
"Yes hello, I wanted to buy a Santana CD... but I just got out of, well, umm, jail... I have a pre-paid Mastercard... she said it wouldn't be on the card for a couple days... can I just give you the credit card number... I'm calling from (enter distant city here)... do you have a Four Tet CD... (continues to give me a complete biography of the artist known as Four Tet)..."
With lots of friendly blabber in between the ...'s, I was ready to go up to (enter distant city here) and just put Mr. phoning guy out of his misery.

Only 9 days until the end of the war on christmas 07!!!

Stats followed by Amy Winehouse (cool, man)

Super-fun Saturday will come this weekend!
It's been a tad too busy to post this week, and the regular crackers have been busy tripping out on cool christmas lights while the normals have been going xmas shop crazy, so I haven't really had time to do any new posts.

I can lay down some statistics here & now though:
People calling & asking if we sell Nintendo Wii systems: up 95% from November.
People looking to buy Kenny G's christmas album: down 62% from last life.
Mothers overwhelmingly stressed out by their children's irrational video game christmas wishes: up 112% from last year. (wow)
Number of Linkin Park CD's sold on Thursday December 6: 2.


And finally, here's Amy Winehouse doing a line on stage:

Super-fun Saturday 4.0 - A crack family is a happy family

Christmas time is fast approaching, and people need money to purchase gifts, alcohol, and crack.
Number one priority? Crack.
So, in walks mother crackheadwith two Playststion Portable games, and her two aspiring young crackheads, strung out on crystal methamphetamine, and dressed to the tee in stylish dollar store hip-hop bling hats and goofey meth-smiles.
Mother crackheads' experience in the finer details of being a successful crackhead are evident with facial lesions and a basic lack of balance. But she made one major mistake!
In Ontario, one is required by law to provide government issued photo ID in order to sell goods to merchants of used goods. Mother crackhead did not have ID, but rather a bag full of random papers, legal documents, and pieces of foil.
While searching for something that maybe I'd accept as a form of ID, she continuously mumbled about how she lost it (while high?) and probably has some other form of ID. (facial lesions don't count)
Naturally, her two sons are incapable of ever owning proper photo ID, or even operating a motor vehicle, let alone a bicycle. I believe it is much more important that they fine tune their hip-hip thug lifes, be more like 50 Cent, and maybe save up some money to visit a tanning salon some day. Dreams CAN come true you know.
I was saddened by my inability to help these nice crackheads out, but I made a list of everything I hope they find under their Christmas table on Christmas morning:

• 1 Case Regular Pint size Mason Jars ( Used for canning)
• 2 Boxes Contact 12 hour time released tablets.
• 3 Bottles of Heet.
• 4 feet of surgical tubing.
• 1 Bottle of Rubbing Alchohol.
• 1 Gallon Muriatic Acid ( Used for cleaning concrete)
• 1 Gallon of Coleman's Fuel
• 1 Gallon of Aceton
• 4 Bottles of blue cough syrup
  
• 1 Pack of Coffee Filters
• 1 Electric Skillet
• 8 Tampons
  
• 4 Bottles Iodine Tincture 2% (don't get the declorized it won't work)
• 2 Bottles of Hydrogen peroxide
• 3 20 0z Coke Bottles (Plastic type)(with Lids/caps)
• 1 Can Red Devils Lye
• 1 Pair of sharp scissors
• 4 Boxes Book Matches (try to get the ones with brown/red striker pads)
• 1 pyrodex baking dish
• 1 Box exacto razor blades single sided
• 1 digital scale that reads grams
• 2 gallons distilled water
  
• 1 Roll Aluminum foil tape