Please buy my man-porn & a Kiss concert program

Few things make this job more worth while than strange little men that come in and try to sell man-porn.
This case was a little Italian-ish man, first placing a Kiss concert program on the counter, expecting me to buy it. "It's a collector's item you know". (I know a rock-memorabilia stores in Toronto that will give you a dollar for it, and you can sell it on Ebay for 0.50 USD).
Then the man-porn; A 4-disc collection of nuthin' but man-lovin' cocks 'n ass!
"That cost $99 on Ebay" he says, "plus shipping". (and who wouldn't pay that much for 15 hours of non-stop cock!)
He plopped a bunch of miscellaneous CD's on the counter, mostly hacked-to-shit crap that we'd never buy if it were still sealed.
To my amazement, there was one of which we sell for around $11, pretty good condition, Sorry I can't recall which CD it was. So I offer him $5. (it's just gonna get real dusty for a year before someone buys it anyway)
I tell him I can give him $5 cash, and we require (BY PROVINCIAL GOVERNMENT LAW) Government issued photo I.D., which, of course, does no sit well with this guy.
"But I got drunk and lost all my I.D." (and WTF am I supposed to do about that? Risk losing my job because you're an alcoholic crackhead? Piss right off)
After showing me a pawn shop receipt (to no avail) he asks if he can come back with someone who has I.D., and I say "yes".
So now I wait...
To be updated, hopefully.

Britney Spears takes a big black shit

Yes, today Britney Spears released a new pile of crap, entitled "Blackout".
I have no intention of buying this CD, nor do I get paid enough by this company to play it in the store. So, clearly I am destined to never ever hear this album.
Too bad for Britney; we could have been so good together.
WHAT THE HELL?
The Backstreet Boys seem to have a new CD too!
"Unbreakable" it's called. BBB's, you're already broken. Eat a bag of dicks.

On the more interesting end of the spectrum, Puscifer (Keenan from Tool evidently) released their new CD.
I wasn't exactly aware of it's release today, but when I looked at the packaging, I was delighted to see an in flight safety/emergency procedures style layout, and the CD is well worth a listen, but I don't plan to buy it.

But, I'm not here to review albums as you can tell, I'm here to rant about the wankers that come in here all the time.

Once again, somebody ordered a DVD box set over the internet, and expected it to get here the next day. As though while you sit in front of your computer in your cozy home office, ordering stuff, I drive all over the place to get your order to you, asap.
The reality is that couriers can only go so fast, and I assume that most of them smoke a lot of weed and never go over the speed limit. (who wouldn't? That Toronto-Windsor route must be sweet)

And now it's time for FAQ!
Q: Do you have any DJ Crap?
A: No
Q: Is this 50 Cent's new CD?
A: Yes
Q: Is this 50 Cent's new CD?
A: No, that's the older one, and what did I just tell you?
Q: Am I fat?
A: You're chunky.
Q: Do you have the guy who was on Canadian Idol last night?
A: No, and we stopped carrying last years winner 6 months after he won. Please don't ask about *** Idol, it gives me nightmares.
Q: Do you have a washroom I can use?
A: No, but there's lots of fast food restaurants to shit on around here.
Q: Why won't you give me what I paid for this fairly new video game?
A: It's no longer new and you've been storing it on your dirty floor for the past 4 months. Please take it to Wal-Mart.
Q: Do you have any Hank Williams II?
A: Why Hank II when you can get Hank Sr. or Hank III? Just cut out the middle man. Please help make the world a little better for everyone, try to listen to good country music.

Super-fun Saturdays

Saturday is indeed a fine day to work at a used CD/DVD store. It is the day that people clean out their ex's media collection and bring it over to the used shop. It is the day that people wake up with their stolen goods from the previous night, so to bring them to a used goods store. It is the day that dysfunctional families head out for brunch, followed by some sweet discount shopping.
And what better place to purchase an album or a movie than a used retailer, as well as video games, to keep the kids (permission to use term "howler monkeys") occupied while the parents fight in the kitchen on a Saturday night.
Let's begin:

Last Saturday, Sell That/Buy This did not exist. It was by no means an exciting day as we're only leading up to the Christmas season and it's a tad slow right now, but the highlight certainly was (and considering my own crappy financial situation at the moment) a lovely lady coming in and donating a box of CDs to our store.
Yes, we accept donations, but rest assured that the staff will profit before the store does.
Let's just say that the staff, and especially myself did enjoy some wonderful cases of fine Canadian beer that night, not to mention some fine local establishments.

Moving on to today:
I often get a coffee on my way in in the mornings. I have literally no choice but to go to Tim Horton's, unless I wake up early enough to make my own coffee at home. (rarely on weekends)
Tim Horton sucks! The best description of their coffee came last year from an Australian man: "It tastes like soapy water". And coffee aside, all their food is very questionable, and yet people haven't begun to realize that Tim Horton's food is no better than that of any common fast food chain. Crap crap crap.

Moving on to our wonderful clientelle:
A large & moody old man walks in to the store with a dirty old bad of VHS tapes. He asks, "Do you buy VHS tapes?" And is promptly answered "No". (take it to Value Village please)
He seems perplexed by our inability to purchase these priceless antiques so that he might be able to retire first thing on Monday morning.
"Well, I have some CD's" he says, plopping them on the counter.
So, my coworker & I start sorting through about 10 CD's that look like they've been sitting in the back of a greasy restaurant kitchen for the past 10 years.
One CDR (I put it in the computer to find it's a Queen mix CD)
Boyz II Men in Whitney Houston case.
Wu Tang Clan... we can buy that for $1 cause it's in okay condition.
Michael Bolton... in Tragically Hip case.
Bush (x), we can buy that for $1 cause it's in okay condition but totally sucks and nobody will ever buy it again.
Let's not waste any more time on the rest of this landfill site. "We can offer you $2 cash for Wu Tang & Bush, and that's all we can do" (We would offer $4 store credit, but we don't want to look at you ever again)
As required by Ontario law, we are required to ask anyone & everyone who sells this stuff to us for Government issued photo ID. We ask, and man is suddenly infuriated and frustrated. "KEEP IT THEN!" he says as he storms out of the store, never to return, and of course he keeps the priceless antique VHS collection so he may be able to retire some day, hopefully Monday.

I must admit that it is terribly saddening to see people experience such misery over such unimportant things (all the freakin' time I might add), however, it makes my job all that much more interesting.
Love.

Daddy, how to you rip off a cd/dvd store?

There was one fine afternoon several months ago in which a man came in to the store with his 6 year old daughter. He was carrying a copy of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", I think it was.

He says "I borrowed this from a friend last week, and he failed to tell me that it doesn't work"
I says: "Did your "friend" include the receipt with the DVD?"
He says: "Well, no"
(Daughter watches on... learning from superhero daddy)
I says: "Well you can't just return a random DVD without a receipt, and we also have a seven day exchange policy"
He says: "Tell you what, I'll just leave it here" (throws it on the counter, raises voice considerably) "You can rip someone else off with it now" (storms out of the store like an angry 6 year old, with 6 year old daughter in tail)
I immediately tossed the DVD in question in the garbage. Had he not been with his daughter, I would have thrown it back at him outside, and that would've been fun!
I never had a chance to inform him that we BUY DVDs here, or to point at the big signs that read the same. I suppose he's illiterate.

This man must be super busy with his really great friends, and all the while raising & teaching his daughter how to act in public and conduct business.

Day 1

Welcome to day 1 of Sell That/Buy This.
I begin with yesterday; Tuesday - New albums by Ween & Neil Young have been released. It's very exciting, except I can not play Track 6 (My Own Bare Hands) from Ween's La Cucaracha, due to "She can be my cock professor... she can get her phd in fucking me".
Ween & Neil Young aside, today started out with one of those younger customer who should probably be in school, but is instead buying cheap DVD's with her boyfriend who speaks early 90's slang.

Yesterday, a guy called to ask if we "have any of those DJ CD's".
ME: How do you mean DJ CD's?
HIM: Well, the DJ we hired for this weekend backed out, and I was wondering if you had one of those CD's that DJ's use to play all their musc, what're they called... you know... a CD with a lot of different music on it.
ME: Well, we do have lots of compilation CDs, lot's of genres, film soundtracks, and even more crap that you better not try trading in after next weekend. Besides, CD's typically only hold up to 80 minutes of music anyway, so you probably want a whole bunch of CD's, so don't call, just come in, or buy a computer and get your kids to show you how to rip CD's in to iTunes.
That last run-on sentence pretty much shut him up.

Today:
Our local drunken hermit has just requested that I turn on the outdoor speaker... done. He's totally wasted, but fairly cheerful when not cursing randomly with tourettes.
The owner has also requested that we not let him sit/lay down in front of the store, as it smells like alcohol, cigarettes, and stale old man.

We sell crappy PC games on consignment for 6.99 each, and it looks like more have been stolen than sold (about 8 hawked in total, but why do we sell that crap anyway?)

Refreshing: A elderly lady just traded a Rod Steward CD, given to her as a gift, for Tom Waits. That's even cooler than my mother.

We just got a steel band Christmas CD handed in for the owner of the store. Christmas is saved!

The HMV guy just told me about when his store was broken in to years ago, and then the next day all his stolen stuff ended up here! Culprit arrested. Bad criminal, no crack.

I've been trying to catch a fly with a CD jewel case; no luck.

UPADATE: I just caught a fly with a CD jewel case! Hooray!