You'll surely love this one.
A pair of thirty-something female retards enter the store. Possibly crackheads, maybe prostitutes, who knows, who cares.
One is extremely pregnant, mentioning to her (evidently) sister how she may need to go the the hospital soon. Meanwhile I hope & hope that her water don't break all over the store, causing people to slip & fall on her birthing juice, thus suing me out of a job.
They have a cab waiting outside, and are depending on me for money outright. So they plop a small pile of DVDs on the counter and ask me for immediate money for the cab.
"NO" I say.
And they proceed to grumble at my lack of care for there stupid situation while I resist suggesting birth control.
After a good lookthrough, I tell them I can give them $17 for the DVDs. They're cool with it, but I then ask them for the legally required photo I.D. It's a no go!
There is a shy young lady nearby, who it turns out was extremely and equally nice & naive. They ask her if she can sign for the DVDs, but I cut it and say "NO".
The quiet girl, barely audibly, says "But if you need some money... then..." but was cut off because the sisters we're too frustrated by my assholism and their talking much too loudly.
So they grumble some more about this travesty brought on by me!
The non-pregnant sister had left and returned at this point saying the the cab driver is a very impatient asshole.
The preganant sister now leaves for a moment and returns with the owner of a next door beauty salon.
"She'll sign for it" while the owner looks at me perplexed.
"What am I signing for?" she asks while holding her driver's licence.
"Basically, if these are stolen and the cops come knocking on your door, then it's on your ass, not theirs."
"Oh" she says, as the pregnant one promptly tells her that she had broken up with her boyfriend (the father) just this morning, and they're certainly not stolen. (depending on how you look at the situation I guess)
It's also at this point that it becomes apparent that the manager had actually paid the cab driver!
She hands over the I.D. and I start entering it on the computer when the non-pregnant one starts piling at least 70 more DVDs (from a baby stroller minus one baby!) on to the counter.
Okay...
"So you want me to do all thses on top of the small pile?"
"Yes"
(fuck) "Okay"
But the salon manager is busy and has to leave, so, doing the neighbourly business a slight favour, I take her info and let her leave.
Suddenly, "can I use your phone?"
"NO"
"Please"
"NO, there's a payphone over by that grocery store"
"fine" (more grumbling)
After about a half hour I finish going through the damn DVDs and conclude that I can give them about $170 cash.
"Okay great, but first can I use the phone?"
"Still NO"
"Okay just the cash then"
I finalize the tranaction, count out the cash, and hand it to her. Done & done. They have NO idea just how nice I actually was to them, given the circumstances (apart from low-balling them on the DVD costs though). Baby jesus would be all thumbs up I swear, even if this lady's baby won't be able to eat heinz food bacause of my actual stiffing her.
But the pregnant one had to top it off with not only bitter chocolate, but stale caramel too.
"Can I use the phone?"
"NO"
"Okay, but can you give me a $20 for this?" (pause)
What she pulled out of her pocket now is absolutely a new one for me, at least since 1989.
She pulled out a stack of at least 20 ONE DOLLAR BILLS (Canadian... which went out in the late 80's)
"NO" I say "That's not currency... maybe the bank can change it, but don't keep your hopes up... goodbye" and she said not another word.
I promptly went outside for a cigarette, as this was a surprisingly stressful hour of my life (I do hope that that bit came across in this blog, but likely not).
The moral of the story is this:
- I am not here to randomly hand out cash.
- I am not your welfare office.
- I do not trust you or anyone who comes in here.
- It is not guaranteed that I can pay you for your CDs or DVDs.
- It is not guaranteed that my till has enough cash to pay for you CDs or DVDs.
- I don't actually like you.
- I don't give a shit if you're pregnant... that's YOUR problem.
- The best idea would be for you to give your baby up for adoption, that way it may have a chance at not being like you.
- You're lucky I even considered buying your crappy DVDs.
- Don't come back, especially if you have a baby.
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